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While i'm happy, i'm paranoid

Can't believe I have an almost four month old baby girl, Keira Christine... I never knew being a mum could be so rewarding. Josh is such an amazing dad, seeing him with keira makes me realise that i'm so lucky to have our wee family.

There she is....

 

She's so gorgeous, which she doesn't get from her parents, its weird how the combination of genetics works...
Josh has a cruisy job now, working in a store that isn't busy, replacing a guy who had a reputation for chatting up skanky girls who seem to think Josh is cut from the same cloth. He enjoys the attention from these make-up covered scantily clad 16 to 18 year old girls who throw themselves at him. And since i've got fresh stretch marks and haven't lost my baby weight, it makes me nervous. Whats worse is that our sexuality life is practically non-existant these days. He's always got some excuse, ''im tired, work was hard today'' or ''it's too late'' or ''I can't be bothered'' and when we do have it, he's a lot less enthusiastic about it. Like now, its almost midnight, and he said ''we'll do it tomorrow night'' last night when I tried, and i've been in bed for an hour.
Its not just sex either, emotionally I don't feel connected to him as much as I did. I used to be able to read him so well, now i'm lost as to whats going on.
Well, fuck.
My eyes are killing me from writing this on my phone...

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

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The time of my life...

So the last six months have been the most amazing months of my life.
- I met Josh in february, we started sleeping together in April, and now we've been a couple for almost six months.
- I moved out of home and now live in a pretty 3 bedroom house with Josh, my younger brother's ex-girlfriend Rachael, and our friend from work Chrystall.
- I've become friends with some of the most amazing people, most of whom I work with. Chrystall, Rach, Leesh, Kim, Gorgia, Myron, Shaun.. Just to name a few.
- I have Jamie to talk to. We've been through similar things in our lives and it's amazing to have someone who I truly trust to talk to. She's my ultimate pilar of support, after Josh <3
- I've lost a little more weight, so all my summer clothes are too big. Problem solved with a box of safety pins to the waist of my skirts and shorts lol.
- I fell head over heels in love with Josh. Despite the fact that we've only been involved for six months, there's no comparison to him. I can't imagine myself with anyone, I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and the best thing is, he feels exactly the same.
- I'm nineteen next week!

Of course, with the good comes the bad, and some of the things that have happened I'm not sure how I coped. I don't even know if I am coping...
- I had a miscarriage a month ago. I got pregnant, and before I knew I went away for four days to see Metallica and was drunk the whole time. When I did find out, I freaked out and I drunk even more. The worst thing was, I didn't tell Josh until 3 days after I lost it. Of course he was hurt, but he forgave me almost instantly.
- I've barely slept since. 3 or 4 hours a night. Jamie stayed with me one night, to try and help me forget. Josh's had overnights at work and sleeping alone was only making me think more.
- Work's been a bitch lately.
- Gorgia and Jaeden have been so bitchy lately, and it's fucking annoying. Seems like they're trying to break up the friendship us flatmates have.
- For awhile there, Josh and Chrystall argued constantly. Josh thought it was going to break us up. Leesh and Chrystall both tried to get me to dump Josh, saying he was too controlling. 
- Jamie's fiance has been an asshole to her, treating her like shit and hitting her. I'm doing all I can to support her. I've offered her a place to stay, my friendship, all the love I can.

Writer's Block: Sheldon and Penny 4ever!

Fanfiction: Do you love it or hate it, or are you totally indifferent? Why?

fanfiction is amazing! Especially Harry Potter fanfiction... I totally ship Sirius/Hermione, Remus/Hermione, Harry/Hermione, Harry/Tonks... lol =D

May. 12th, 2010

My new-found happiness has possessed me to write again.... though the content of said writing is still depressing.. oh, well, one step at a time =D my latest published piece can be found here: hxxp://www.fictionpress.com/s/2806196/1/Rainbow_At_The_End_Of_The_Storm
I have a new love interest, naturally, and he is so amazing =D And I'm happier than I've been in nearly a year... I'm also going to get my new copy of "Need You Now" when it's released on monday, even though I already have a copy that I got from the US.... The international edition has much better album art, and songs from the first album.... so I figure I might as well get another one... Working at maccas is paying extremely well, and not just in the monetary sense either, I get to see Josh most days =D

Mar. 22nd, 2010


So, I'm working now... The new stores been open for a month now, and things are progressing nicely. It's a lot more fun than I imagined, I work with some awesome people... And I've realised that I can charm lots of my male co-workers into doing really shit stuff at work....

And, I've got the first cute little crush I've had since shit went down with Tony... which makes me feel a lot better about how I am, and in the beginning, he was giving me very positive messages, you know, hugs, flirty touches and comments, the things he does for me and the things he says to me are so amazing, but it's always when we're alone. A few times he did things in front of other people and he got so much shit for it, he's retreated, and ignores me or makes snide comments when there's more than a few people around. I finally find a guy who sees me for me and not for my chest.... And he can't act the same way with me that he does in a group. 

I thought earlier that I'd never find a guy I could be with who wasn't just with me for sex... it's been two fucking years since I've been in an official relationship... Maybe I'm just going the wrong way about finding someone... Maybe I'm just an epic fail. lol

But otherwise, life is good... Laura turned eighteen last week and we should be going to town when our hectic schedules finally allow us the time. Works been calling me to work nearly every single day I have off, and I really need the money to pay off my laptop and start saving for University.. And Ari's got her music stuff most weekends, so it's dificult for us to find time to hang out, but at least we could go out for lunch on Laura's birthday... Work is usually fun, and I'm getting a fair bit of writing done...
The only other thing I could complain about is that my rosters given me a mix of evening and early morning shifts, so most nights I'll be home for not even six hours before I'm back at work. I'm going to be so exhausted come sunday...

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Ughk I'm bored.... I had my star chart done yesterday before work, just to satisfy my curiousity. I sent someone for the written results this morning, and they're actually rather accurate, and lot more accurate that I had assumed they would be... Apart from that, works been rather exciting, I can make reasonably decent coffees now, and I don't actually mind the other trainee I'm working with, who worked with me at Pak N Save... But that's about all I have to say at the moment.


The Results...Collapse )

Long Time, No See


Yeah, it's been awhile... What have I been up to in the last few months?
 
- I graduated high school
- I turned Eighteen =D
- I haven't heard or seen my father in two and a half months..
- Christmas
- I had a christmas party with a few close friends
- I finally got a freaking job!


This had to go behind a cut because it's not worth reading...Collapse )

My parents confiscated the wireless last week until my brother and I got jobs, so I have my internet now =D and it was just in time to download the Lady Antebellum track that was put up today. I figure I get it a bit earlier that the rest of the world... since the song was up at midnight on the 12th, which was eleven and a half hours ago...

And my fucking father.... When I turned eighteen I was to gain partial control of my trust fund, which meant that my father, who was previously the executor of the trust, could no longer withdraw money. I can't spend any of the money til I'm twenty-one though. Not that there's any money there... My dad, who I last saw two weeks before my birthday had spent all the money in mine and my brothers trust funds, then done a runner so he wouldn't be around when we found out. He wasted a MILLION dollars... As you can probably guess, even though I really had no intention of ever using the money, I'm pissed that he stole it from me and never even let me know. And no-one knows where the hell in the country he is. Asshole.

Of course, because of the fact that I live in brightwater and all my friends live in Stoke, which is about thirty kilometres away, and only one of my friends has a full licence, I haven't seen much of my friends since school finished. Since I've had no school or job to go to, I've practically lost track of what day of the week it is. Lol. I miss them though =[ and I suppose that once I have money I'll get my restricted licence and be able to travel a bit easier. It's annoying relying on my mum, since buses that aren't school related don't exist in brightwater, and it's the middle of summer break, so a school bus is rather rare =D

That's about all I have to say....
 

This had to go behind a cut because it's not worth reading...Collapse )

Writer's Block: Thumbs down!

What are your least favorite book and movie genres? Are you willing to make exceptions? Do you ever feel left out of social events/discussions owing to atypical taste in movies/books?


I absolutely despise Vampire movies and books, especially after the whole "Twilight" Craze. I'm not quite sure why the fuck the vampires sparkle.....
It's just all overrated. Most people that I know avoid talking about Vampire themed books/movies when I'm around just to be on the safe side =D
Im at lauras house right now and its almost 2am.. We went round to look at christmas lights and then we exchanged presents. Laura and ari got me a snuggie and a flask engraved with the sugarland love on the inside heart and the words polyjuice potion. But omfg a snuggie! Im wearing it right now lol

Nov. 14th, 2009

OMG I can't believe that I am finally eighteen!
I'm home alone right now, because everyones ditched me lol.
But I'm going out fo dinner with my mum, stepdad, brothers, grandfather, stepgrandmother and my other stepgrandparents... and I must remember to take my ID so I can do eighteen stuff. Since I can now legally buy alcohol, cigarettes, fireworks, spray paint and scratchies... lol

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